The Future Is History
by TheLivster
Summary: Rory is in her first year at Yale, and madly in love with Logan. But what will happen when Jess turns up again? Will Rory stick it out with her steady boyfriend or take a chance on someone who hurt her in the past?
1. Prologue

She gazed into his gorgeous emerald eyes, wondering how on earth she could be standing here, doing this. He looked straight back at her with that frightening intensity that made her freeze like a rabbit in the headlights. He held her gaze intently, making her legs turn to jelly beneath her. She could feel her whole body crumbling with the pain of the words which imminently fell off her tongue.

"Its over Jess,"

She remained frozen for a second, barely believing what she had just said. Why was she feeling like this? After all, she was only 18, and they'd only really been seeing each other for a few months, this was pure insanity.

He remained silent, with his eyes still fixed on hers, but his face gave nothing away. He was always like this; elusive. No one ever knew what he was thinking, feeling - no wonder it was so impossibly hard to get close to him.

This was the right thing to do. He had had enough chances. In the fall she would be leaving for college and he would be, well… that was a mystery. All they had to endure was one miserable summer in Stars Hollow, desperately waiting for the leaves to change.


	2. Chapter 1

I lay on the soft green grass, gazing up at the cloud of leaves and branches swirling above me, glistening in the sun. Spring was in full bloom, it floated through the air and filled everyone's heads with the promise of a new beginning. As the days began to lengthen and brighten I had taken to spending more time than advisable lazing on the lawn, reading, thinking, daydreaming. Sometimes it was hard to believe that I was half way through my first year here at Yale, but the change in me was undeniable. A mere six months ago I arrived here, awkward, timid and desperately compliant, amazed that I had even been accepted to such a prestigious college. However, as time elapsed, I broke free of my crippling humility, and a kind of metamorphosis began to take place.

Sometimes, in my bitter moments, I wished insanely that he could see me now. But then I remembered myself, and decided against it. Of course I longed for the fatal recklessness of it all, for the surging spontaneity and senseless romance, but I had found love now; real love. Since I'd met Logan, my previous relationships seemed meaningless and juvenile. What we had now was solid, steady, tangible - we were going somewhere. Logan wasn't like the others, he wasn't going to hold me back, he was a high flyer, like me I suppose. Gorgeous, charming, academic, and of course, totally loaded, he was the dictionary definition of "a good catch". Of course the class issue was a worry at first, especially to my mom, I guess to her he represented everything she detests; everything she ran away from. Perhaps I get too defensive when my more judgmental friends attack Logan, he's really not what you would expect. Of course he's privileged, a lot of doors have been opened to him due to his powerful family and valuable connections, but he totally respects my feelings towards that kind of life, and admires me for forging my own path.

Just as I was nearing that dizzying, delirious stage between wake and sleep, I heard an excitable voice resounding through the campus.

"Rory, Rory!"

That dramatic, playful voice that seemed to fill the air for miles around always gave me a fright.

"Rory, darling, I'm afraid I must cancel on you tonight - you see I simply _must_ rehearse for my audition tomorrow morning. It's a major role in some play, and the part is terrifyingly perfect for me! You do understand don't you Rory? Oh I couldn't bear it if you didn't,"

"What part is that, Luc?"

"A crazy, old, alcoholic women with 15 cats! Isn't it perfect!" We both descended into fits of laughter, with Lucy diving down onto the grass, shoving my books out of the way. I didn't even bother to ask if she was joking about the part or not, because I knew only too well that she wasn't. It was always like this with Lucy, she was eccentric, flamboyant, and a total character. I loved that you never quite knew what you were going to get with her, despite sunny appearances, she had a sharp temper on her, and was insanely smart - a right theatre snob.

Lucy's vintage, 40s dressed floated about her as she tumbled down onto the grass giggling joyfully. She was exceptionally pretty, unique looking, with dark hair which floated around her face effervescently, but was also sleek and dramatic. That was Lucy all over. She was known throughout the college as being a bit of a crazy one, always up for a party, possessing an enviable way with words and a total, genuine individuality.

"Well brake a leg Luc, I know you'll be sensational, you're practically a poster girl for the crazy old cat lady community,"

"Well said sister! So you're not pissed?" her piercing blue eyes met mine questioningly.

"Of course not, some things are more important, you deserve a big break. Are you sure you can fit this in with all your work though?" Lucy broke into yet another ferocious fit of laughs.

"My work! Oh Rory, sometimes its like you don't know me at all". I sighed hopelessly, she could be impossible at times. This night out, just us two, wasn't really a big deal, but it was something I'd been looking forward to for days. Going out with Lucy is always quite an event, but I guessed I could just hook up with Olivia and the rest of the gang and see what they were doing.

And on that thought, she emerged from the art studios, a sketchbook under one arm, and a big mischievous grin on her face.

"Hey, hey, if it isn't my favourite two girls!" she beamed, plonking herself down next to us. My afternoon of peace and quiet now appeared to be a blissful memory.

"Gorgeous bag Liv," said Lucy, "you give me serious wardrobe envy,"

"Thanks Lulu, I made it myself," replied Livi proudly. She had an amazing sense of style, and was a total pro on the sewing machine.

"Wow, impressive. Well I'm honoured to know the next Vivian Westwood, maybe you can rustle up something for my audition tomorrow…" Lucy leaned in and waited for an answer intently. Then she laughed, that warm, wonderful laugh, "oh forget it Livo, I have the perfect outfit in mind. What do you two think of that new blouse I have? Rory, you're quiet today,"

"Yeah, because I can't get a word in edgeways having your big mouth to compete with!"

It was true, even though I had had a gigantic confidence boost this year, I still felt quiet and timid in comparison to the big personalities I'd met here at Yale. To be honest, I was fine with that dynamic, I was much happier to be a listener, hearing them chatter away about their weekend gossip. With Lucy and Olivia, it wasn't all about parties, clothes and boys, like it might seem, but those were probably our most popular topics. I found myself desperately missing my chats with Lane about music, books, the world. Lane, being my best friend since the age of 3, was a big part of my identity, and I missed her like crazy. Just then a thought sprung to mind. "Shit! What am I doing here? I have my Bronte essay in for tomorrow, oh man I'm an idiot,"

"Don't panic, we have until Tuesday - I'll possibly get to it Monday night, if I don't have other plans that it," Lucy winked mischievously.

"Well we're not all like you, we can't just rustle up something incredible last minute, some of us have to work hard for good grades!" and with that I sighed at my friends, grabbed my books and headed off to my natural habitat, the library. All thoughts of him were shoved hastily to the back of my mind.


	3. Chapter 2

After finishing my essay, I left the library with a pile of books in my arms: Dickens and Chaucer - for work, Hemmingway and Austen - for pleasure. I'd always been, well, bookish. On average, I could read up to eight books a month, and devoured one by one at a startling pace. I made no apologies for my bookworm tendencies, reading was my passion. Although Logan was dazzlingly intelligent and well-read, he never quite understood the enjoyment I got from getting my teeth into a good book, the only person that really _got _my love of reading was, well… I forced my mind onto other things.

Suddenly, a crash, bang, thud resounded as I collided with whoever was rushing in the opposite direction, landing in a sea of books, papers and folders. Before I could even begin to gather my thoughts I heard:

"Watch where you're going you idiot!"

Oh. God. Paris! Of all the people who I would like to bump into after a stressful work session, this girl was pretty low on my list, just down from Adolf Hitler.

"Paris, I'm so, so, sorry" I said genuinely. "Here, let me help you up… this is your folder, right? I'm really sorry, did I mention that?"

This was typical me, even though it was equally her fault, it was me stumbling round picking everything up, all apologies. With Paris though, you just had to do all you could for an easy life.

"Rory, it's you!" she said in surprise, "I would have thought a responsible student like you would be more aware of her surroundings,"

"yes, I know," I answered meekly, "sorry Paris,"

She sighed reproachfully, "Well, as you're here, we can work on our history project. I've been reading up on the civil war, and so should you have been too. I'm sure we both have some interesting insights to share."

"Actually Paris, I've been working for hours, I was just off to go grab some dinner with Logan."

Paris looked hurt, and I couldn't bear that. I knew she had trouble making friends, but it was Friday night, and I was not going to miss a chance to catch up with my boyfriend. "Tomorrow, you're all mine, I promise," I hated making promises but this seemed to me like the only option in this situation.

"That's okay, I'll just see what Doyle is doing tonight". Of course, I'd forgot about Paris' new boyfriend, in his third year and editor of the Yale Daily News, they seemed the perfect couple. We'd both got involved in the college newspaper at the beginning of this year, and were loving the challenge of it. Paris was an excellent writer, always had been. I'd known her since high school, and I think we'd been cursed to remain friends forever, as we now found ourselves sharing a room. We hated each other with a passion, but we were practically best friends. I know it doesn't make any sense, but I needed Paris - I needed that person to compete with and keep me on my toes.

"Well, have a fun night," I said cheerfully, waving her off,

"Will do, bye," she ended.

We both parted in our separate ways, she to Doyle's apartment, and me back to the halls to get dressed for my date with Logan. We'd be going somewhere fancy, I knew that much. Sometimes it made me slightly uncomfortable, the thoughtless extravagance, the lavish presents and the excessive parties. It made me remember my own upbringing, although my mom had come from an upper class background, she ran away after having me at sixteen, and we had lived a simple life. We were poor at first, with mom working as a maid in an Inn to keep a roof over our heads, but she worked her way up, and now we were comfortable.

Grabbing every outfit I owned and throwing them down on my bed, I realised in frustration that I had nothing at all to wear! There was my black dress that I'd worn about a hundred times, or the red wrap-around dress that I'd borrowed off Lucy and was too big for me, I'd worn my one-shouldered blue dress last weekend and my favourite smock dress was getting old and weather-beaten. After a fairly desperate call, Charlotte, who works on the paper came round with a gorgeous white, lace dress which we concluded was absolutely perfect. "You're a life saver Charlotte, thank you so much!" I gave my friend a massive hug before letting her rush off for her own date. It was a hot day, so I decided on some sandals and no coat, grabbing my satchel bag as Logan knocked on the door.

When I opened the door, Logan was stood there, smiling widely and warmly at me. It seemed like every time I saw him, I had forgotten how absolutely gorgeous he was.

"Hey, Ace," he said, and kissed me, while I watched his blond waves bounce angelically around his face. Sometimes I wondered why he was with me, we both knew full well that Logan could have his pick of any girl at Yale. But he had chosen me - reserved, hardworking little me. Its funny to think of how much I resented Logan when we first met, resented his mild arrogance, his laidback approach that I perceived as laziness and his damn rich family. Its amazing how wrong you can be about people. "Where have you been all day? I've been playing golf with the guys all afternoon, you should have joined,"

"Well, y'know I'm not really one for golf,"

"Yeah, I know," he said, kissing me again, "but it would've been nice to see you. Don't tell me you were in the library!" I looked up at him sheepishly.

"Oh, Ace. What will we do with you? Well its Finn's big party tomorrow night and you'd better be there, or the whole thing will descend into a drunken brawl-"

"I think that's inevitable Logan,"

"Well you always keep things together Ace, especially me"

"And you always keep me intoxicated!"

"Ahh, the perfect, balanced relationship. Come on then, reservation's for 7.30."

As we left, I thought to myself that I must be the luckiest girl in the world.


	4. Chapter 3

The drive back to Stars Hollow felt longer than usual. I didn't mind though, there was something so comforting about driving back home to the town where I had grown up, windows up, music blaring, I was in absolute heaven. As I pulled in for petrol, I flicked vigorously through my stack of CDs, deciding on The Clash - my mom would be proud.

I must have driven these roads a hundred times or more, this was the place I would keep close to my heart always. As you go through life you meet new people, venture to new places and have new experiences, but this would always be my home. Turning down the little country roads, I passed the place where I hit a deer during my first term at Chiltern, a prestigious prep school. That had been a difficult term, I was so unused to the snobbery and superiority of those kinds of kids - now it was something I was able to just shrug off. I giggled to myself, remembering the horrific uniform they inflicted on us - my mom has still not let me live it down, I don't think she ever will.

She was the reason I was coming home this weekend. She called late last night reminding me of the Stars Hollow Spring Fling, and so of course I simply had to come home. My mom is without question, the single most important, most influential person in my life, and treats me as an equal rather than a daughter. In fact, sometimes I feel that I'm more like _her_ mother! Our relationship is too close to even explain, its something that everyone around us just has to except. I know that Logan grew up with all the privileges a person could ever desire, but I think my relationship with my mom is something he is envious of.

Our dinner last night was a lot of fun, the place wasn't as formal as I feared, and he gave me the good news that he had bought a new apartment - bigger and in a better location, it sounded perfect. Logan's apartments were not like the other students' at Yale. While I lived in shared accommodation with three other girls, he was living on his own in a fancy apartments building across the hall from bankers, business men and other wealthy professionals. I think his lifestyle could be kind of intimidating to some, but if you looked past that he had a heart of gold, he really did. He was so generous, and fun, and kind, sometimes it did seem that he spent far more time at play than at work, but he was extremely intelligent - but then again, so was…

Just then my car ground to a halt. Attempting to start it up again proved fruitless, and I slammed my hands down on the dashboard in frustration. "Fu- bloody hell" Somehow I'd trained myself never to swear under any circumstances, even on my own, sometimes it even felt wrong to swear in my head. I lay back in my seat, feeling the Saturday morning sun blazing down onto my skin. Rummaging through my bag, I managed to locate my phone, but found, to my further annoyance, that it was out of battery. I supposed I would just have to walk to the nearest village - as I remembered, Oakley was only a few miles from here. Clambering out of the car I lay down by the side of the road, stretching myself out and surrendering to the omnipotence of the smouldering sun.

After a couple of minutes I had to accept the reality that this was getting me nowhere, and attempted to shuffle to my feet, much like a hippopotamus on ice skates. Finally, I managed to get myself up, brush myself down and survey my surroundings. There was no point waiting for a car to pass by, that happened about as often as meeting a talking flamingo, so I decided to walk up the road and find a signpost. Sure enough, the sign at the end of the road read "Oakley 2 miles" and pointed me in the right direction.

Sometimes, events which would seem meaningless and everyday to a passer by have profound and even life-changing impact on the person in question, and sometimes, what may appear to most to be a coincidence seems to you to be , much, much more. The events that followed were both of these things.

In the distance, I observed a car rattling down the road. I'm no expert, but it was absolutely stunning, vintage, convertible, the kind of car I'd always dreamed of having. As it progressed closer towards me, it reached a junction just down the other side of the road from me. As the car began to turn away from me, a rabbit sprang out into the road in front of it. My heart nearly leapt out my chest as the driver swerved sharply out of the way, too sharply. In their panic, they skidded off the road and collided head first with a tree on the road side. All this happened in a split second; there was movement and noise and panic, and then, everything was very still. Too still. Instinctively, I ran back down the road, past my car and to the convertible on the road side. As I approached the car, I could feel the adrenaline drain out of me, and it was replaced by a paralysing fear. The car looked pretty damaged, I couldn't bring myself to look inside, what if the driver was seriously injured, or even worse? I couldn't bare to even think about it. What would I do if they were in serious pain? I didn't know any first aid, I couldn't use my cell to call for an ambulance, I'd have to run all the way to Oakley to find any signs of life.

And then, something utterly magical happened. The door of the car slowly creaked open and hung there limply, swaying in the breeze. First I just saw an arm, it was clearly a man, and he was moving, he was alright. A waterfall of relief washed over me. Next I saw a leg moving out of the car in torn jeans.

And then, as if by magic, dark and mysterious magic, he got out of the car and stood up, engulfed in perfect, golden sunshine. I froze in horror, as if my heart was about to implode. It was him.


	5. Chapter 4

_At first there was silence. Perfect, blissful, terrifying silence. And him._

_I remembered the last time we'd stood together. That afternoon._

_It was June, the icy summer heat blazed and chilled me to my core. He looked so gorgeous, that was cruel, why did he have to look like that today? He never thought of anything, anything other than himself anyway. Of course he was thoughtful, wrapped up his thoughts like a straightjacket, encased in his own little dark world. Well, it was a world I was not going to be a part of any more…_

"Rory, I-" came the voice, that voice. It was like I had drifted out of myself and then come plummeting back to earth with a sudden thud. I needed time to just take him in, everything was so different. Gone were the tight black jeans, black shirt, black jacket and jelled up hair. Instead he looked scruffy, artsy, kind of grungy. He wore torn jeans and a band t-shirt, and as he lowered his head to look at me, I saw long, messy hair flopping in front of his face. He was more irresistible than ever.

"How did you-" I stopped, changing my question, "are you- are you okay?" I still couldn't believe that he had got out of the car and stood up after what had just happened. My voice sounded small, timid and panicked. "You haven't changed a bit have you?" He smirked, that cocky grin that I simply could not stand. I'd never been able to figure him out, one minute he would be all vulnerable and insecure, the next he'd be antagonising and even aggressive - his worst trait of all. His words angered me, and I longed to tell him how absurdly wrong he was, but couldn't quite find the words.

"Jess, are you hurt? How can you be smiling you maniac? Look at your car, its practically destroyed," I hated how my words sounded: blunt and sensible and accusatory. This wasn't how this was supposed to go, I had conjured up the scene many times in my head, it was nothing like this, this was all wrong. He looked down at me with that faux confident smile, I secretly wished that deep down inside he felt just as uncomfortable as me.

"I'm fine, don't look so panicked…" there was a long pause, "so, it's been a while…" he said, trailing off.

"Its not really the time for catch ups, you should go get checked over by the hospital, and we need to take a look at the car, gauge the damage, and we need to get the hell out of here!"

"Rory, look at me, I don't give a shit about the car, please just relax. Deep breaths. The collision wasn't as bad as you seem to think,"

"Yeah, not like that time you put me in hospital with a fractured wrist when you swerved that cat,"

"Fond memories…"

"Your concern for animals clearly gets you nowhere."

This was weird, our conversation was weird; fractured, disjointed. No one was saying what they really wanted to say, we were just playing out our little characters (me, the worried, responsible student and Jess, the laidback rebel, at least I imagined that's how he saw himself. Idiot.).

The next few hours passed in a kind of blur. Jess didn't have his phone on him, so we trekked up to Oakley in total, unchallenged silence. He wasn't hurt at all, not even dazed, just keen to get his car sorted out. On a later inspection, the damage didn't seem too bad, it appeared that Jess was right, the collision really wasn't as bad as I had feared. We'd been walking for almost twenty minutes when I realised I didn't have a clue why he was here, and I hadn't even thought to ask.

"Okay, I have to ask. What are you doing back in Connecticut? I thought you'd left for Philadelphia for good,"

"So did I, turns out being a failed author isn't exactly the best paid profession, so I-"

"So you've come back to scrounge some money off Luke, I see how it is,"

"Rory, don't. Don't judge me already, okay," he pleaded, we carried on walking while we talked, looking straight ahead, never at each other. Two islands on a stormy ocean.

"So, you're writing?" I asked. He subsequently reached into his bag and scooped out a book, handing it over to me uncertainly.

"You, you wrote this?" I stuttered, seriously impressed. "I always knew you could do something like this Jess, I'm so proud of you, but, oh-" I stopped as I remembered his predicament. "I don't understand, I mean, I thought you were doing well for yourself,"

"I'm broke Rory, totally utterly broke, okay? I'm not proud of it but this is my only option, its this or sleeping rough, that's what it comes down to,"

"And your car?"

"Picked it up at a parking lot in Phili, jumped in it, drove off and didn't stop driving,"

Silent horror flooded my face.

"Don't look at me like that Rory," he was angry now, "Its okay for you to be all superior. Studying at Yale with all your pompous friends, schmoozing with high society. Yes, I bet you'll go on to do whatever you fucking want to do, because you're Rory Gilmore, the poor little rich girl that everybody loves and everything comes so god damn easily to!"

I'd forgotten how his words could cut me up into a thousand tiny pieces. I'd forgotten how his mere presence could make the anger and frustration boil up inside of me and overflow. I guess I'd forgotten him. But now I remembered, it all came rushing back to me in a sudden moment of realisation.

He never apologised for that. We just kept on walking in deathly silence, neither of us saying a word to the other. By the time I could finally see houses in the distance I was practically running, running in pure desperation. Allocating a phone box on Broad Street, I rushed over, instinctively dialling home as I always did in emergencies. Looking back I could see Jess trailing behind, hands in pockets, shuffling along jadedly. I could hear the piercing ring penetrating through my ears, no answer; the phone rang again, still no answer. Why would mom be out now? Surely she would be at home, waiting for my arrival. After several rings, the piercing noise stopped, and instead I could hear mom: "Hi there, you've reached Lorelai and Rory Gilmore." she started, politely enough, "Sorry, we can't take your call at the moment because we're either out or just ignoring you because you're a creepy loser… or my mother. Please feel free to leave a message, and we'll try and get back to you, unless we have something better to do."

I just had to laugh at my mom, my funny, amazing, charismatic mom. Despite my frustration at not getting through to her, just the comforting sound of her voice put me at ease after what had turned out to be an incredibly stressful morning.

I decided against calling the Inn, it was unlikely that she would be there and I really didn't want to have to deal Michel this early in the day. Instead I called Lane, I knew I could rely on her.

I was right, "I'll be there in five minutes, you just hold tight," she assured me.

"Oh, Lane, you're the best. Thanks a million!"

And finally I could relax, I had a method of transportation home, I mean _we_ did. That reminded me - Jess. Putting the phone down, I looked back and saw him slouched down on a bench, notebook in hand, scribbling away. I longed to know what he was writing, to have some insight into that impenetrable mind of his, but I knew full well that was out of the question. As I approached him he looked up at me, regretfully: "One of us should have stayed with the car."

"What?"

"One of us should have stayed with the car," he repeated, "who knows what could have happened to it, it could easily have been stolen,"

I had to laugh at the pure ridiculousness of the situation.

"Here," I said, grabbing his notebook and tearing a blank page, "this," I continued, snatching his pen, "is Gypsy's number," I wrote it down urgently, passing it to him. "Go to that payphone and call her, tell her to come out here, she'll look at our cars."

"Maybe I'm not the right person to make this call Rory. You know I'm not exactly Mr Congeniality in Stars Hollow,"

"Just tell her you're with me, be polite. Use all those people skills you've always been so talented with," I answered sarcastically.

As I suspected, Jess was back in a couple of minutes, telling me that sure enough, Gypsy would be over to collect our cars and tow them back to the garage, where she would look at them. Although she came across a fierce, even intimidating women, Gypsy was kind and a great mechanic, always willing to help those in need. Jess sat back down next to me and looked at me properly for the first time. I hated the feeling of being under examination, being patronised by his supercilious smirk. What the hell did he have to be so cocky and condescending about. It was clear he still saw me as some stupid little kid, naïve and immature, but I was the one making something of my life, and he was the one running back to his uncle after he messing up big time.

"I'm sorry, do you have a problem? Actually, no don't answer that," I reprehended him. "You're going to get caught out, stealing that car, and then you'll be in serious shi-" my inner censoring device triumphed once again.

"Ha, ha. The day I hear Rory Gilmore swear is the day I know the universe is out of balance."

"Shut up okay, I'm doing you a favour, you would never have known the way here if it wasn't for me, and do you think arranging a lift to Stars Hollow with Lane was easy? I hate to break it to you but you're not exactly her favourite person in the world. And how do you thank me? You laugh at me, shout at me, patronise me, not even thinking to ask how I am or what happened to my car. You, Jess, are a selfish piece of-"

I don't know what it was about him that got me so riled up, so uncharacteristically volatile, but I couldn't deal with it any more. Just as I was reaching a new level of despair, Lane's car swerved into view, stopping just in front of us just in time to stop the bomb exploding inside of me.


	6. Chapter 5

"Lane, Lane!" I cried, running madly towards her open car door and into her arms. She laughed and hugged me back, nearly squeezing me to death.

"Oh, Lane, you're a lifesaver. Thank you so much!"

"Don't be silly, it's the least I could do for my best friend," she assured me, "seriously though, are you okay? How's your car?"

"I honestly don't know what happened, it literally ground to a halt. It's Jess you should really be worrying about".

We both looked back to see him shuffling reluctantly towards us, no sign of appreciation graced his apathetic face. Well, I for one was not going to let this loser ruin my perfect weekend in SH.

"Rory, I've missed you like crazy! You haven't called me in weeks… well, a week. How's school? Are you still on the paper? How's Logan? How's Paris?"

"Whoa, that's a lot of questions,"

"Oh just get in the car, tell me everything," she said, jokingly shoving me off her. "Jess, you can get in the back". Lane's voice transformed as she addressed Jess. Gone was the vibrant, vivacious chatter, and instead she became detached and monotone. I got it, I totally got it. If any guy had treated her the way he had treated me, I swear I would not be responsible for my actions. I cherished our friendship, mine and Lane's, over almost everything else in this world. She was everything you would want in a best friend: smart, funny, fiercely loyal - oh, and she was a kiss ass drummer. In the sixteen years that we had known each other we'd only fallen out once, and that was in third grade when I told her that her self portrait looked like a fat alien.

"Right," said Lane, flicking through her beloved CDs, "what we need is some music!"

"I wouldn't worry, its only a ten minute drive,"

"Don't be silly Rory, this is me. You know I soundtrack my entire life. Right, what's it to be? I've been listening to a lot of 60s stuff recently, let's see: The Velvet Underground, The Doors, Hendrix - any preferences?"

"Let's just get to Stars Hollow okay?" muttered Jess from the back seat.

An uncomfortable silence diffused through the car as I watched Lane visibly biting her tongue.

"Okay then, whatever you want," she said, as politely as was physically possible for her at this moment. "Never mind the fact that I came all this way out here to pick you up and-"

"To pick Rory up really," Jess corrected her.

"Enough, enough!" I screamed, "I've had about as much of you as I can take today. Lane's driven all this way out here and you can't even be bothered to make polite conversation. If your not happy, get out the car; if you want a lift, then just shut the hell up okay!"

I was livid by this point, and Lane too. Why was I getting the unbearable, obnoxious side of Jess today rather than the sweet, caring side who talked to me about literature and music for hours on end? Lane parked in the centre of town, and we both got out silently and defiantly. After thanking her profusely for the lift and agreeing to attend her gig the following night, I turned to Jess, who stood on the pavement, his green eyes smouldering at me. I met his gaze, as if I was mentally peeling back the layers of Jess Mariano, feeling something I had not felt for him in a long time, and it terrified me.

* * *

Coming back home was always magical, stupid as that sounds. I spent the rest of the day with my mom wandering through Stars Hollow, eating lunch at Luke's, picking up my car from Gypsy's, attending a raucous town meeting and then falling asleep watching Casablanca for the hundredth time. Whenever I came back, everything was always just as I'd left it, as if the whole town was stuck in some kind of time warp. I liked it that way. It was safe; it was home.

I imagined that Jess had had a less than perfect day. Luke had reluctantly let his nephew stay, just for one night, and then he had to leave. I assumed that Jess had not revealed exactly how much trouble he was in, and he assured his uncle he would find a place to stay the following night. I worried for him, but I was not going to let something like that ruin my weekend. I spent Sunday shopping in New York with my mom, determined to detach myself from all things Jess related. After trying on pretty much every pair of shoes in the state of New York, we collapsed down in a café to have a good old catch up and some well earned coffee.

"Excuse me! Over here! Two coffees immediately - we need caffeine, it's an emergency!" called mom to a nearby waitress as soon as we sat down.

"Stop it, you're making me cringe," I winged, "She's not with me!" I called out jokingly.

"Oh God, I'm not one of those embarrassing parents am I? I've always prided myself on being a cool mom, what happened?"

"I think your chronic caffeine addiction always clouds your better judgment,"

"Yes, we need to get me rehabbed. Do you think there's a rehab for coffee addicts?" I rolled my eyes flippantly.

"So," asked mom, "how's everything with Logan?"

"Ah! The question she's been waiting to ask all weekend!"

"Well, at least I'm interested. Come on Rory, talk to me,"

"Well actually, it's going great, thanks! Everything's great. I really think you'll come around to him if you give him a chance,"

"I like Logan, whatever gave you the impression that I didn't?" I rolled my eyes again, they were really getting a workout this weekend. Just then, the waitress approached our table, "two coffees?" she said, placing two small mugs on our table.

"Um, excuse me, what is this?"

Oh, here we go, I thought to myself,

"Two coffees," she sighed impatiently, "it sounded pretty urgent,"

"These are not coffees, these are-"

"I can assure you miss, _they are_,"

"Well, do you not have anything larger?" asked my mom in desperation.

"No, I'm afraid this is the largest size we do. Would you like to order anything else?"

"Well, I suppose this will have to do," she said reluctantly.

"If you want, miss, I can take them back," I sensed the waitress was getting frustrated now,

"No, these are fine," I said firmly, "just fine."

"Now," said mom resolutely as the waitress rushed off, "back to Logan".


	7. Chapter 6

Monday morning back at school was not so great. Alternating between Stars Hollow and Yale was like living two different lives, and sometimes I found it hard to make the transition. I was still exhausted from the gig last night, and history class with Paris was not the best way to ease me gently back into the working week. It had been an amazing night. The band was incredible, the crowd were wild and Lane played amazingly. I was left seriously impressed. However, it shaped up to be a pretty crazy evening and driving through the night back to Yale was the last thing I wanted to do. I'd totally forgotten about my Virginia Woolf essay, and had to skip a politics lecture to rustle something up.

Logan was a state after yet another alcohol-ridden weekend. I swore that one of these days I was going to lose sympathy. Finn's party had turned out to be even crazier than expected, culminating in Colin being arrested for indecent exposure and Finn accidentally smashing his glass over some girls head, resulting in a pretty nasty altercation between him and the girl's boyfriend. I really didn't want to be filled in on all the vile details, but discovered by midday I had no choice, as it seemed the party was the talk of the college. My day didn't improve when Lucy turned up at my flat, flustered and agitated. "Rory, I hate to do this, I really do, but we have to talk." she said. It worried me seeing her like this; Lucy was always so radiant and full of life, I had no idea what had got her in this state. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah, sure, of course. Come on in. Is anything the matter,"

Lucy didn't sit down, she just stood in the middle of the room, looking at me meekly and helplessly, her body seemed frozen with nerves. "Come on Luce, sit down, let me get you a drink or something,"

"I'm fine thanks," she said, sitting down at last in the red armchair she'd pretty much claimed as her own.

"Well you don't look fine," there was a pause.

"Rory, what I have to tell you is difficult. I'm so sorry I have to do this but you're my friend and I think you have to know. It's better than you hear it from me than from some random-"

"Lucy, what is it?" She was scaring me now. I'd never seen her like this, so serious and concerned, a million possible scenarios ran through my head.

"It's Logan. At the party on Saturday he… I can't even say it. Rory, you can do better, you know you can. He's a fucking idiot and doesn't deserve you."

"Oh God, he cheated on me didn't he?" Lucy didn't say anything, she didn't need to, her silence spoke a thousand words. At first all I could feel was pain, pure, undiluted pain. There must be some mistake. This was Logan - he would never cheat - but looking into Lucy's sad, sorrowful eyes confirmed my worst fears. I felt my insides turning to jelly and my eyes uncontrollably welling up. I'd never been cheated on, not even by Jess, how could this happen?

"Lucy, I- I don't know what to say. Are you sure? Tell me everything," I could still feel the sharp bitter pain stabbing through my chest, but now suddenly it was joined by anger. I had to know who it was, what happened, every tiny detail.

"Well, I don't know much. The reason I know is… it was our flatmate, Sarah."

"Sarah!"

"I got up Sunday morning and there they were. They couldn't deny it, no lie could cover that up. Logan made me swear not to tell you but I thought you needed to know the truth. Did I do the right thing, Rory? Should I just have kept my mouth shut?"

"No Luce, you did the right thing, I love you. Please could you go now, I just want to be alone,"

"um, okay," she stuttered, coming over to give me a hug. I just lay there unresponsively, needing desperately to be alone.

"I feel awful, Rory. Call be if you need anything, I'm always here for you,"

And with that she was gone.

The second I heard the door close behind her I curled up and wept like a baby. It still hadn't really sunk in, how could he do this to me? Maybe there was some misunderstanding, there must be an explanation - after all, this was Logan, he loved me. But maybe my friends and my mom were right about him all along, and he wasn't to be trusted. What if he'd done this before? I couldn't bear the thought that he'd been messing me around this whole time. I felt like in idiot, a pathetic, stupid idiot. Of all the people he could have done this with though, I couldn't believe it was Sarah, a girl I considered to be my friend. Well not any more, it seemed like today was shaping up to a day of unwelcome realisations.

* * *

I spent the rest of the day wallowing in solitude and self pity until I heard a knock on the door. "Who is it?" I yelled.

"Its me," came the reply.

It was Logan.


	8. Chapter 7

All that stood between us was a door; a simple, wooden, unexceptional door, rusty on its hinges but firm and sturdy. And I knew better than I knew anything that I was not going to open that door, no matter how desperate his pleas. It wasn't just a door anymore, and the wall that separated my dorm room from the corridor was not just a wall. That was his world and this was mine, he thought he could just turn up at the threshold and demand his way in through the use of obsequious charms and smarmy gestures. I held my resentment unwaveringly inside me, nurturing a hatred I had never felt before. In that moment I swore that I would never let myself be treated like that again - never, ever, ever. In all the time that I had known him, I had never felt so distant from him, so alone. I didn't know him and I didn't want to.

I had sat there for a good hour before he left. Once I was alone I realised that the room I sat in was awash with him: the photographs on the windowsill, the mix tape in the stereo, the jacket slung carelessly over the couch. I always hated how he did that, came over to mine and then left all his crap hanging around. I looked at the label, Armani. Nice. maybe Paris could make better use of this in her craft area, I giggled maliciously to myself. Okay, so this was not quite his rightful comeuppance, but it was probably the single most malicious thing I'd done in a long time.

Adjusting myself in the bathroom mirror I realised I felt - stable. Stable enough anyway. I was not a shuddering, blubbering mess. Of course I had been wounded, deeply, but I could afford to lose some blood - metaphorically - I had more backbone than I had ever known, and this discovery made me feel empowered. Standing up straight I examined my reflection in the mirror: the clear peachy skin, innocent blue eyes and straight brown hair were still there, but behind them there was a strength, a vitality. Logan was just a guy - and a stupid one at that - who I had been dating for six months, he was no loss to me. In that moment I felt I could be anyone I wanted to be… then sentiment came rushing back.

I couldn't hate him. I couldn't hate the radiant smile that constantly gave me butterflies, the golden curls that felt as soft as velvet, the quiet, comforting sound of his voice that told me he loved me. He loved me. He loved me? Did he ever really love me? I felt more uncertain of it with every passing second.

The fighter Rory was back, and I was determined that she was going to stick around.

* * *

That night I went over to Logan's place, cool, composed and collected. I sat down beside him in his lounge, refusing the offer of a drink, and told him calmly and graciously that it was over. I told him that I didn't want to see him anymore, that I'd forgive him in time for what he did, but I could never trust him again and I hoped he understood. All in all it was a rather peaceful transaction, very matter-of-fact, almost business-like. Of course, inside I was dying. Seeing his sad cold eyes well up made me crumble inwards with emotion, but the thought of him with someone else filled me with exasperating, irrevocable rage and disgust which burned inside me. Despite all of this going on in my head, I kept my exterior neutral, often finding myself literally biting back tears. I left his apartment thinking how strange it was that I was never going to return to this place again. As I left, I tried to appear unfazed and serene, but accidentally brushed passed his table top, knocking down some ornament and hearing it crash to the floor. Picking it up, I realised it was not an ornament at all, but a picture of Logan and I at a new years party. All smiles. I noticed it was cracked right now the middle, how apt.

* * *

"You need to get drunk," said Lucy, the second she opened her door.

"You don't hang about do you?" I sighed,

"Oh come here," she squeezed me in to an almost suffocating hug, with Olivia coming and joining in,

"Liv! Luce! I love you guys but I can't actually breathe right now!" I squealed.

Ten seconds. That was all the time it took with these two to be transported from a state of lowly self-pity to happy-go-lucky nineteen year old excitement.

"Come on Rory, we're going out!" cried Luce, "get yourself out of that ghastly old sweater. Liv has a dress that will look just darling on you!" Olivia grabbed me eagerly my the hand and lead me to her closet, throwing out various items of clothing onto the floor. It only took about a minute of small talk over possible skirt and handbag combinations before she got on to the real matter in hand.

"Rore - I'm so, so sorry about what happened. Logan is a total a-hole, I hope you told him that,"

"Well, I wasn't quite that polite," I lied. We both laughed. "She's not… here, is she? Sarah I mean…" I asked tentatively.

"Oh, no! Hell no! Actually she's moving out. Well, she has already has technically, but we've just got to get her stuff to her,"

"Oh man… I can't believe this, all this drama. I feel awful,"

"I guess it just kind of turned out she wasn't really the person we thought she was,"

"tell me about it," I said regretfully. Olivia sighed and sat down on the bed, "Cigarette?" she asked, I declined, though it was pretty tempting right now. "Seriously Rory, we're all behind you, everyone's behind you. You did the right thing leaving him. You know I told you about my shitty high school boyfriend and everything he put me through, I would hate for you to go through that again and again,"

"Yes, exactly. He had his chance, he blew it," I announced defiantly. There was something harsh and unforgiving in my manner today.

"Wow Rore, this is a new side of you that's emerging - I like it!"

She had a point. If ever in the past I had envisioned myself in this situation, I saw myself wallowing and moping around in utter misery. Perhaps I had a secret inner strength that I had never realised before now. I suggested this to Olivia and she agreed.

* * *

We wound up at quite a, um, lively bar full of other students. Some we recognised, some we didn't. There were a bunch of guys in the corner dressed in almost identical jackets, like a kind of gang. They kept looking over, and while Livy and I kept our eyes on each other, Lucy kept turning and grinning or pouting. She tired of the boys in less than a minute, and the three of us made our way assertively to the bar as Liv shouted our orders - no one was asked for ID.

The rest of the night passed in a drunken, hazy blur. And in retrospect, I'm incredibly glad I do not remember in detail the events of that night. A couple of seniors kept buying me drinks while I watched my two friends throw themselves around manically on the dance floor. I collapsed to the floor, laughing incessantly, being caught just in time by one of the guys. After that I sort of blacked out, but I remember certain snapshots, like dragging some random person out onto the dance floor and throwing my arms around him. After that the atmosphere changed, things got scary. The next thing I knew we were outside on the street. I remembered looking up into his blue eyes and lurching towards him. In that moment I didn't know what I was doing, I just wanted to kiss him, to be close to someone, anyone. He bent down and grabbed me firmly, pulling me in forcefully and trying to kiss me. I responded at first, but when I tried to stop, he wouldn't let me go. I didn't like this anymore, but I couldn't get away – I was so out of it and uncoordinated that any movement I made resulted in me stumbling over and then being forced back into his grasp by his strong arms. I could feel his hands on me now, and though I was too drunk to tell exactly where, I knew it wasn't good, and I had to get away. In one horrible moment I could smell his boozy breath on me, feel his massive hands sliding down past my waist and his whole body pressing fiercely against mine and it was too much to take. I turned, vomiting on the dusty street corner and collapsing again. I remember lying there and hearing Lucy and Olivia's voices. And that was it.

* * *

I woke up the next morning on Lucy's dilapidated old couch. You can probably dare to imagine how I was feeling so I won't bother to explain the shooting headache or queasy stomach or shattered self respect. All but the latter were fixed by Olivia's magical hangover cure (exactly what it was I'm not sure, but it did the trick), and it felt safe and comforting to be surrounded by friends I could trust.

"I'm so sorry honey," said Lucy gently, "you weren't ready to go party your troubles away yet, we should have just stayed in and eaten ice cream,"

"And I'm sorry we didn't look out for you. Too busy having a good time ourselves I guess," Olivia added, "I hate to think what could have happened if we hadn't come looking for you."

It was a chilling thought, but I replied, "don't be silly, you're the best friends in the world – I'm sorry I'm such an idiot,"

"you're heartbroken, you can be as stupid and reckless as you like! We just have to make sure you don't take things too far."

I felt like an invalid all day, people checking up on me and getting me drinks - it would have been nice and relaxing if I did not know unquestionably that I did not deserve the sympathy. I resented being treated like some kind of victim, but I guess that's what I was, completely and utterly pathetic. Lucy and Olivia even skipped all their classes that morning to just sit with me, a sacrifice I was shocked that they were willing to make. The only person I did not receive any sympathy from was Paris, but I did not expect her to understand my situation - empathy and compassion were not her strong points.

* * *

I made it back to my own place that afternoon to find her sitting at our table, glaring disapprovingly at me. "Rory, you missed an extremely important seminar this morning. I know you've just broken up with Logan and you have your own personal issues at the moment, but that should not get in the way of your education,"

"Oh, have a heart Paris," I despaired,

"I didn't get to Yale by having a heart." she paused, assessing her own behaviour in a way I had never noticed her doing before. "Rory, I'm sorry, genuinely. He's an idiot," she laid her hand rigidly on my shoulder - it was awkward, but I was thankful for it.

"Paris… I can't believe I'm admitting this, but you're a friend, a good one. Thank you for being there. It's important for me to know who my friends are right now, to know who I can trust."

It's amazing how much can change in the space of a day. Two days ago I was fuming about Jess and desperate to get back to my loving boyfriend, yesterday I was distraught as my heart was torn apart, and today I was rebuilding myself. I felt less alone already.


	9. Chapter 8

I spent the rest of the week in a weird kind of recovery mode, feeling like I was going through some sort of rehabilitation process. Adjusting to life without Logan and coming to terms with what had happened was by no means easy, but every new day seemed to inspire further hope and strength in me. I managed to avoid him for the rest of the week, but felt that had more to do with the threats he had received from virtually everyone I knew than any of my own efforts. Don't get me wrong, I was touched by the way everyone was rallying round me, telling me what a jerk he was (I knew that already), but I got a little bit sick of the constant Logan bashing all day every day. At the end of the day, I was still in love with him and still cared about him, one stupid mistake on his part couldn't turn off all those emotions. Sometimes I'd even find myself defending him when the rude jokes went a little to far. He was still the same person, despite what he'd done, and, more to the point, I was sick of going on about it all day long.

"Leave it out Olivia," I blurted abruptly, "I don't care what method you plan to use to kill Logan, please keep it to yourself, okay?"

Everyone looked shocked, but none more than me, I was startled at the tone I'd just used to speak to my friend. "She was just trying to make you feel better, y'know?" piped up some girl in the corner. At this point, I should have just turned to Olivia and apologised, but instead I turned to the other girl and said, "excuse me, do I even _know_ you?" accusingly before turning and walking out the room, slamming the door defiantly. The precise second that the door slammed shut behind me, I regretted my actions, but I couldn't go back in there now… I could only imagine what they were all saying about me. Why was I doing this, acting like a spoilt five-year-old? Maybe I wasn't getting over this as well as I liked to make out.

* * *

Heading out into the cool spring air, I could feel the gentle evening breeze washing over me, soothing my temper. How do you stop loving someone, I pondered to myself, gazing up wistfully into the glistening stars above… "I wish I could stop loving him," I whispered under my breath. This was pathetic, wishing on a star, it was almost laughable. I didn't care though, there was something so simultaneously comforting and overwhelming about looking up into the nights sky. It's so vast and endless and eternal, it makes all your fleeting troubles dissolve into nothingness and float off into the air like dust. For a brief moment, I was merely a ripple fluttering on an endless ocean.

_Bring, bring, bring! _Arrgh, it was that noise that would always bring me back to earth with a not so gentle bump. "Hello," I muttered sleepily into my phone.

"Rory, it's Lane. How are you doing today? I so sorry I haven't called you since-"

"Lane, you called me yesterday. I'm perfectly fine! I don't need you checking up on me every two seconds! But thanks. Thanks for everything". Lane had been amazing since the break-up, calling me everyday and just listening me cry and rant for hours on end before offering priceless advice.

"That's what friends are for, right? And anytime you need someone to drop Logan a nasty little email or egg his daddy's Porsche, just give me a shout,"

"oh please stop it! I assure you that wont be necessary!"

"Well the offer still stands," she said jovially, then her tone changed, "Listen, um, I have something to tell you,"

"Ouch, that doesn't sound good. Should I sit down or something?"

"No, no. It's not… it's just… Oh Rory, I'm sorry, I should have consulted you before, and… I know I should have told you. It's just that you've had this whole Logan drama this week and I didn't want to stress you out with something else boy related," this was starting to irritate me now. Lane knew I hated it when people went around the houses with what they were saying, why couldn't she just come out and say it? Lane was usually so direct.

"You'll be surprised, I know, but I can explain,"

"Oh just get to the point!"

"Okay, well, you know that Jess was staying at Luke's for a couple of nights or something like that?"

"Yep I remember, but what does that have to do with you?"

"Well… after that he had no money, no place to go, Luke was being incredibly hard on him,"

"Jess has had enough chances Lane, you know that." I said firmly.

"I know but… anyway, the point is he's staying with us right now, well, living with us. It's only temporary". Wow, out of all the things I was expecting her to tell me I didn't see that coming!

"Lane, that's nuts. You hate Jess!"

"I know, I know. But I took pity on him, he's been alright for the past few days,"

"Well, okay, that's good I guess. Why were you so worried about telling me? I was expecting something far worse,"

"Oh thank God, thanks for understanding. I was just worried how you'd react to me living with your ex, I mean, it is a bit weird."

Now she said it, I realised it was weird, very weird. But the weirdest thing of all was that it really didn't bother me. "Just don't go asking Logan to move in now," I joked.

Lane still lived in Stars Hollow, in a fair sized house she shared with two of her band mates, Zach and Brian. It was always a lively house, full of fun and jokes, I really didn't know how Jess would fit in there. Well, I'd see for myself soon, I supposed, it was nearing the end of the week and I was about to make my weekly journey home to Stars Hollow. Lane really had left it until the last minute to tell me!

* * *

When I did finally arrive back in Stars Hollow on Friday afternoon, all thoughts of Jess were long gone from my mind and all I could think was, "I just want to see my mom!" pathetic as that sounds. I loved the two halves of my life, the two different worlds - I relished the fact that no matter how far I ventured out into the world, I would always have this safe haven to return to. Mom would never leave this place, I was sure of it.

As soon as I got out of the car, she ran to greet me as ecstatically as if we'd been parted for years (well that's what this week had felt like). I watched her hurtling down the steps of our front porch, her wavy brown hair billowing around her wildly, until on the third step, she placed a poorly chosen foot on the very edge and came tumbling down onto the lawn. "Mom! Mom! Are you okay?" she just laughed, and I relaxed,

"What an entrance, aye? Should have learnt my lesson about running in heels by now right?" I scooped her up from the floor into a long, tight hug,

"Very true, remember the supermarket incident of '04?" we both sighed, recalling her dramatic fall in the frozen food aisle.

"Anyway, come inside we really need to talk. I'm so sorry about what happened, Rory. I know every girl has to encounter a jerk boyfriend at some point in their lives, but I thought Jess had ticked that box already," she hugged me again,

"Well life's just not fair is it mom? Come on, lets get inside".

After several hours spent inside discussing our hopeless taste in men and preparing the shortlist for our weekly movie marathon, mom glanced at the clock and flinched. "Shit! Six-thirty! We need to get out of here sharpish if we're going to make Friday night dinner on time." Oh crap, Friday night dinner! That had completely slipped my mind amidst the excitement. This was our weekly agreement whereby we had to have dinner with my grandparents every single Friday in return for them paying my tuition fees. It was an agreement the two of us resented with a passion, but there was really no way to avoid it. To be perfectly honest, I didn't quite understand why my mom objected so strongly to the arrangement. After all, it wasn't like grandma was making us mow her lawn or clean her toilets in return for the loan, she was inviting us to dinner, offering to be our host. Is was kind of sad she had to go to such lengths to maintain a relationship with us, but if you knew my grandparents, you would probably understand why our relationship with them was so strained.

"You can't go looking like that!" I said, looking over at my mom who was dressed in a blue jumpsuit with garish pink legwarmers (for someone as dedicated to shoes and shopping as she was, her taste in fashion was largely disappointing).

"Well I don't have time to change now do I? What's she gonna do, send us away?"

"I guess not, it's just an argument we could have avoided. Come on, lets get in the car pronto!"

* * *

Half an hour later we pulled up outside my grandparents Hartford mansion. Exquisitely luxurious, extravagantly furnished and meticulously up kept, it really was like stepping into a whole other world. Only on my single disastrous visit to Logan's parents house had I encountered such an overtly display of wealth.

"Good evening," welcomed the maid timidly, opening the door, "you must be Loreli and Rory Gilmore. Come inside and take a seat, the Gilmore's are waiting for you in the living room. Here, let me take your coats". She had been trained to perfection, every word sounded scripted and rehearsed - but I could hear her voice trembling ever so slightly, desperate not to make a mistake. "It's okay," whispered my mom gently, "we don't bite, you're safe with us," the maid smiled thankfully, not used to being shown any sort of kindness in this house. Even though we came here every week, there was always a different maid to greet us, and I felt sure next week we would encounter a new one. My grandmother got through maid's like you wouldn't believe - all they had to do was smash a dish, leave a room untidy or utter a word out of place and they were dismissed. We both sensed the inevitable fate of this poor girl, but supposed it was for the best.

"Don't stand in the hallway like animals," came a piercing voice, "come on through immediately," ordered my grandmother, standing to greet us. We obeyed without question. "Lorelia, honestly! What in heavens name are you wearing? This is not an aerobics class," thankfully, my mother decided to ignore the comment.

"Hello, grandma," I said kissing her, "good to see you, and you too grandpa,"

"Good to see you too Rory," he answered warmly, "and Lorelia," I watched as my mom greeted them coldly and awkwardly, and then we sat as we were offered drinks - champagne for my mom and a soda for me. My grandparents had started to offer me alcoholic drinks, but I decided in light of the weeks events that this was not a good idea.

"So, Rory," asked my grandpa, "how is everything at Yale?"

"Oh, fantastic! The paper's been hard work but so much fun, and my classes are all going great, I'm especially enjoying philosophy,"

"That's great to hear Rory, I'm glad you're making good use of your college life rather than wasting it away on parties and boys," he said, I cringed guiltily.

"Of course not, Rory is a responsible young women," continued my grandma, "but speaking of boys, how is Logan Huntzburger?"

My relationship with Logan had proved a source of great pride and elation for my grandparents, who saw him as a perfect catch. I could understand why: rich, intelligent and from a wealthy, respected family - who just happened to be connections of the Gilmore's - he did seem to be the perfect man in there eyes. More fool them.

"Oh… well… I'm sorry grandma, but we broke up,"

"Broke up! But why? That's ridiculous Rory, he's Logan Huntzburger, he's perfect for you," she answered in disbelief, and with that, my mom suddenly lost it. I wasn't surprised, it was always a matter of time at these dinners before someone exploded. There was always a bomb waiting to go off.

"Well I'm sorry mom. I'm sorry that Rory didn't stay with the rich, privileged boy of your dreams in order to marry him and improve the respectability of this family! You'd love that, wouldn't you? Imagine going up to all your friends and telling them, 'my granddaughter is marrying a Huntzburger', imagine the feeling! I know I messed up the family's pride and reputation by getting pregnant at sixteen, but don't try and live out your hopes for me through Rory, I know she's the daughter you always wanted and never had but could you at least try and be a bit less obvious about it. And could you at least entertain the possibility that Rory left Logan because he treated her appallingly and doesn't deserve for her to even look at him again!"

Silence. Utter silence. That was all there was for at least thirty seconds after my mom's outburst, but it felt like an eternity. The quiet was only broken by the maid entering the room to inform us that dinner was about to be served and could we please make our way through into the dining room. I so didn't envy her job right then. We all did as she said, walking sheepishly through into the dining room and taking our places at the table, proceeding to eat our lavish four course meal in total silence.


	10. Chapter 9

Saturday morning; the morning after the night before. However, it was one of those mornings where I woke up with an overwhelmingly positive outlook on the day ahead. Yesterday's altercation seemed like a distant memory to me as I sat up in bed watching the sun streaming through my bedroom window and radiating off every wall. To my confusion, the unmistakeable smell of bacon seemed to be wafting through my bedroom door from the kitchen next door. Was my mom really cooking? I toyed with the thought for a second before laughing it off… can pigs fly? There must be another explanation.

Opening my door I realised I was right. Mom was unloading bags of freshly cooked food onto the kitchen table, "just been to Luke's," she explained. "For a second mom I thought you were cooking breakfast!" we both fell about laughing at the ridiculous suggestion. I loved the fact that my mom was so undomesticated, so alternative. I didn't want one of those sickeningly perfect mothers who prepared nutritious, organic, three-course meals from scratch every day, spending her spare time arranging flowers and growing vegetables in the allotment - all with flawless hair and make-up. I loved the fact that my mom was completely insane, drank twenty cups of coffee everyday, listened to punk rock and knew her own mind. I knew my grandparents viewed her as a disappointment, but secretly, I would have loved to have turned out just like her.

"What are you planning to do today, hun?" she asked, tucking into a bacon roll. "Oh not much, I'll probably pop over to Lane's see how she's doing, check up on Jess,"

"I thought so, well have fun whatever you do. I'll probably be at the Inn most of today, it's a busy time of the year with everyone going away on spring vacations. It must be your spring break soon? Got any plans?"

"Um no, not really mom,"

"Don't be stupid! You're a college student now, you have to have a crazy spring break, its like the law!" I thought about it. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea after all, actually it could be pretty fun.

After breakfast I headed off to Lane's house which was a couple of minutes away. I was pretty excited to see her and intrigued to see how the whole Jess situation was playing out. The last I knew they despised each other, now they were living together - that had to be a weird dynamic. I reached Lane's in minutes, ringing her bell three times, "It's me!"

I yelled, no answer. "Lane Kim!" I yelled even louder, still no answer. She was probably out, but turning her door handle, I realised she'd left it unlocked which was strange, so I ventured inside. Lane's house always looked pretty much as I'd left it: piles of laundry stacked on every available surface, dirty dishes in the sink which I imagined had been there for quite some time, innumerable band posters lining the walls and all manner of crap spread out across the floor (to be honest, it was never Lane's fault, always Zach and Brian, but by this point she'd given up trying), and there, sprawled out across a sofa reading a book, it was him. Jess.

He didn't really react to me at all, just adjusted Lane's ipod deck, changing the music to 'Pictures of You' by The Cure, letting the music float hauntingly through the house without saying a word. "Jess," I said feebly at last, "aren't you going to say hello to me?"

"Oh, sorry… hello," he smiled semi-sarcastically,

"were you not planning on letting me in then?"

"No, it was much more fun listening to you stand outside yelling," he laughed,

"What are you reading?" I asked, not just to make small talk, I genuinely wanted to know. He didn't answer but turned the cover towards me, Jack Kerouac. I smiled, forgetting how much I missed someone who shared my tastes and interests so precisely. "You must have read that about a hundred times now Jess,"

"Of course, but not as many times as you've read bloody Jane Austen!"

"Not true! There is no way I read the ridiculous amount that you do," it was true - reading was like a compulsion for Jess, if only he could have so much passion for something a little more productive, and then I remembered his book.

"So, um… have you been writing much recently?"

"I've been pretty blocked lately. But you still haven't read my first book, give it a go," he said, pointing to a stack of books he'd piled on the dresser. I flicked through the books, "wow Jess, you're taste is impeccable. Who's this author, A. Jordan?"

"Oh, she's a new author, I think you should give that a go too, you'll really love her writing,"

"Right, I'll try it," I said, putting both books in my bag,

"Come, sit," beckoned Jess, gesturing for me to sit beside him. Gone was the aloof smirk, and instead, I caught a flash of the old Jess I'd once known. I'd forgotten how sweet and genuine and interesting he could be, I suppose I let all his bad qualities undermine the good. We didn't say anything, we didn't need to, I just looked into his eyes and suddenly I had no control over my actions. Edging closer to him, I could feel him sliding closer to me until our bodies were touching, sending a sharp thrill down my spine. What was I doing? Something about this boy, this beautiful, brilliant, brooding boy made be lose all my sense and self control. He made me do things I would never usually dream of doing. And here we were again. We turned our heads towards each other, so close our noses were almost touching, and I could feel his breath on me. This was the last chance to back out, but now we were this close it seemed virtually impossible, past the point of no return. And then our lips touched, gently at first, just brushing against each other, but then I could feel myself melting into him, falling deeper under his spell. He was kissing me with such intensity that I could feel fireworks exploding in my head and all around us. This was like the kind of thing that happens in a dream where you wake up guilty and ashamed, but secretly quite enjoyed it. I knew if something didn't come and wake me up now then I was never going to be able to stop, and this would go way, way too far.

And just like that the front door burst open and Zach, Lane and Brian came bundling in. Jess and I sprang apart from each other instantly, but looking up at them, I wasn't quite sure if it was soon enough. They all looked down at us confused, "glad you and Jess seem to have patched things up, Rory," said Zach smirking. At least _he_ was enjoying this. Jess flashed him up a pretty nasty death stare. "Rory! It's so good to see you," said Lane at last, "come on, we need a private talk," she whispered in my ear, leading me into her room. Shutting the door behind us she turned to face me, hands on hips, "what exactly do you think you're doing?" Lane was scary when she was angry.

"Lane, you don't understand. It was just a spur-of-the-moment, impulsive kind of thing. It was a mistake!"

She paused, "well good. I'm sorry, I know I sound like a controlling bitch but I just don't want him hurting you again Rory, I couldn't bare that. You've just had your heart broken, you really don't need that again,"

She was totally right, I knew that. I explained to her I had absolutely no intension whatsoever of getting back together with Jess about a hundred times before she was completely satisfied and let me go. We sat around with the guys for a while, chatting and playing video games, but it felt weird. I kept looking at Jess, and then he'd turn and look at me, but the second he caught my eye I cringed and turned away. "Come on Rory," said Lane, sensing my discomfort, "let's go for a walk, get some lunch at Luke's,"

"Ooh can we come?" asked Zach, perking up at the prospect of lunch,

"No way, girl talk only I'm afraid. You would not be welcome!" and off we went.

Living with just boys must be pretty difficult at times, I thought to myself, especially to people like Lane and I who were only used to living with women. I knew they all had fun together, but Lane admitted she would love to have someone like me around. As we sat down in Luke's dinner she informed me she had another confession. "What is it, Lane," I asked,

"Well, its kind of stupid and embarrassing," she said, blushing,

"Seriously, its like getting blood out of a stone with you these days," I teased.

"Okay, I'll tell you. On the condition that I have your total confidence,"

"Of course,"

"Well, since we all moved in together, I think I've sort of started having feelings for Zach,"

"Aww Lane I think that's amazing, you'd make the best couple!"

It was true, Lane and Zach made sense in very way possible, except for maybe in her mother's eyes. Zach was a sweet, hapless but well meaning guy who had been a good friend to Lane, and the two of them never failed to wind each other up or make each other laugh. Lane kept him in shape, picked up his dirty socks and was generally the straight man in his funny man routine - they made the perfect double act. However, judging by the expression on my friend's face, I guessed she wasn't so sure.

"I really don't think he likes me Rory,"

"why would you say that?"

"Well he's never shown any interest in me, and he has all these desperate girls fawning over him now because he's 'in a band' and all that," I had to laugh. The idea of Zach with groupies was the most hilarious thing I'd heard in a long time. "Well, I'm glad you find it so amusing Rory, but it's really not all that funny to me,"

"no, you're right, I'm sorry Lane."

"I mean, how would you feel if the person you were falling head over heels for sees you as nothing more than the drummer in your stupid band,"

"I'm pretty sure he sees you as more than that," I answered honestly. It was clear for all to see that Zach was crazy about Lane, whether it was in a romantic way or not.

"That's alright for you to say though, you've never been in this situation before. Any guy you've ever liked has always been right there, liking you back." Lane had a point. For all the relationship problems I had experienced, I'd never really suffered what she was going through. Jess and Logan had both expressed interest in me before I was even interested in them, it was the same with Dean, my first boyfriend. Perhaps I was a lot luckier than I gave myself credit for.

It wasn't until I'd got into to bed that night that I really got the chance to reflect on the events of that day, specifically, my kiss with Jess. Ahh, _that_ kiss… I replayed it over and over again in my head, taking more delight in it each time. What was there to feel guilty about? I'd done nothing wrong. I still had to remind myself all the time that I was single now, I could do anything I wanted. It was a strange thing to get my head around - I'd never really been single before, not since I started dating - well, apart from that one summer, but I'd spent most of the time off in Europe with my mom. But that thing with Jess, enjoyable as it was, it was a one off thing. I just had to keep telling myself that enough and maybe I'd start to believe it.


	11. Chapter 10

**A/N - It's my first one of these! i just wanted to warn everybody who is about to read this chapter not to get too annoyed, i swear i am team Jess really!**

Monday morning again. Exactly a week had passed since I'd made the shocking discovery; since I'd cast Logan out of my life - and so much had changed. I suppose it's all these experiences that make a person, that shape an identity - life isn't just about the friends and the good times and the rewards, it's about the struggle and the heartbreak and the battle - that's where the real lessons lie. Returning to Yale I felt like a changed person, and I could face anything in the world, even Logan… which turned out to be exactly what I did have to face as soon as I got back to my building, and found him skulking around outside my dorm.

"Um, sorry. She- um- Paris wouldn't let me in," he mumbled. Oh my god he was gorgeous! Seeing him standing there meekly in the hallway, all my fury and resentment seemed to wash away, and all I could think was how I just wanted to just fall into his arms again, and forget that anything had happened. No Rory, I told myself fiercely, you have to be strong. I should have been loving hearing him stutter, mincing his words, but I really wasn't. I wasn't enjoying his discomfort any more than he was. That was a positive, I decided- I wasn't taking pleasure in his pain, I didn't want revenge, I was taking the highroad. "That's okay, we can talk out here," I replied calmly. "I just realised we've never really had the chance to talk about any of this, I suppose that's my fault,"

"Not at all. It's down to me being a coward… and your friends are all pretty intimidating when they hate me!"

"Oh they're harmless. Well, apart from Paris," we laughed semi-awkwardly. There was a prolonged silence, and then we both spoke at once.

"Logan, I just want you to know-"

"Rory, I'm truly, truly sorry… I-"

This was weird, this awkwardness between us. I mean, it was pretty common on my part, but not for him, he was the smoothest talker I'd ever come across, able to charm himself out of any situation.

"Okay, you go first," he said at last.

"Right, well, I just want you to know I'm not angry at you anymore. Honestly I'm not. I mean, I was at first, but I've had a week to cool down now and I really think… I really think I can forgive you. Maybe we can even be friends one day,"

"Really? That's more than I could ever ask for, it's more than I deserve. Thank you, thank you so much. I'm surprised you even let me stand here and talk to you after the way I treated you,"

"Well, if any of my friends knew you were here they'd have your head on a stake!" Logan laughed, thinking I was joking, but I was deadly serious.

* * *

After our slightly uncomfortable reunion, we headed off to get a coffee off campus… way safer, we both decided. I resisted the invitation at first, feeling that I'd got my closure, now there was nothing left to talk about, but decided in the end I actually wanted hang on with Logan, and I actually wanted to catch up with him. I'd hoped that once I saw him again, I would be so disgusted by what he had done that I couldn't even look him in the eye, and would just magically fall out of love with him - but no such luck. Gazing across the table at him, I could feel my heart pulsating out of my chest, and as he leaned in to stroke my arm, all I wanted to do was touch him back. "So, how have you been this past week?" he asked.

"Well, honestly… not so great," I said, dropping the 'I'm fine' act at last, "what you did was…" I didn't know how to finish that sentence, "I just still can't believe it,"

"Neither can I, it was unforgivable. I don't even know what came over me,"

"it makes me think that you didn't care for me the way I cared for you, the way I still care for you. I could never have done a thing like that to you, I loved you, I would never even look at anyone else!" and then I remembered Jess. The kiss.

"I care about you more than you could ever imagine, I love you,"

"I- I love you too" I said at last, ashamed at myself for admitting that. I had been determined not to slip up in front of Logan, not to show my weakness - but now it was written all over my face.

"Well, if we both love each other then… do you think there's hope for us. Do you think there's a future?"

"Logan, I can't just take you back after what you did. Of course I can see a future though, I want a future, I just don't know if I can trust you anymore". That was true, how could I be with someone I didn't trust? The suspicion would drive me insane. Suddenly, he grabbed me spontaneously by the arm and lead me out of the café, along the bustling side street.

"What the hell are you doing? We can't just leave without paying?"

"Too late, I think we just have. Come on… RUN!"

"Logan, you are _completely_ insane!" I yelled as we ran madly past the mundane mid-morning crowds, laughing wildly to ourselves, finally collapsing on a bench on the next block, practically hysterical.

"What was that for?" I softly punched him, jokingly, "you're a total lunatic Logan,"

"I just wanted to show you something. Look up there," he said, pointing to an office block across the street. It was tall and threatening. "That there, is the headquarters of my Dad's newspaper. All those floors you can see are full of offices, meeting rooms, you name it. And that, is where I am going to be working as soon as I graduate. I have no choice, no chance to object, no opportunity to decide my own future. This _is_ my future, and it's been laid out for me for years,"

"I'd love to have the opportunity to work at a newspaper like this. It would be a dream-" I cut in,

"Just let me finish okay."

"Sorry."

"My point was, the second I graduate from this goddamn place, I'm going to be stuck in a life that I don't want to be in. So right up until that moment comes, I want to seize every opportunity, live every moment to the full - pardon the cliché - and just embrace the precious few years of freedom that I still have. I love you, Ace, and I know you love me too… something as good as we have is hard to come by, so we should hang onto it, enjoy the time that we do have left together. In a few years, you'll be off travelling the world and reporting, and you wont be interested in me,"

"that's not true,""Yes it is. So until then, we should be spontaneous, follow our hearts - pardon the cliché again."

"So was that what your little stunt was about? A lesson in spontaneity?"

"Pretty much. Seriously Ace, I love you, you love me. Let's not throw this away". The whole time, my heart was beating wildly and rapidly. Just hearing him talk so eloquently and so lovingly about me, and about his life, ignited all my past feelings for him that I'd been trying desperately to ignore. We simultaneously leant in to kiss each other, almost banging heads in the feverish excitement of it all.

"So you'll take me back?" he asked at last, stroking my hair,

"Yes, of course," I gasped, completely overwhelmed by the intensity of the moment we just shared, "if you promise to never be unfaithful again,"

"I swear."

He took my hand gently and lead me back round the city streets. I was ecstatically happy, of course I was, but there was something in the back of my mind that kept bothering me, and I couldn't figure out what it was. Jess, the kiss, was that it? I decided not to tell L about what happened last weekend, some things are better kept to yourself. Sometimes you should just let sleeping dogs lie.


	12. Chapter 11

**A/N - Wow, this is the first time i've gone over 3,000 words, and weirdly enough, it's been one of the easiest to write. I know there's a ridiculous amount of dialogue in here (I hate chapters with a load of dialogue and no description!) but it couldn't be helped. I think i now have a fairly clear idea now of where this is going and how i'm going to finish things up, but any suggestions would be hugely welcome. Please R&R!**

* * *

We sat on the college lawn, arm-in-arm, my head rested gently on his shoulder. The rest of the week had floated past in a perfect, dreamy bliss. Some days it felt as if he and I were all that existed in the universe. Of course my friends all told me I was stupid, I was being used and manipulated and I was just going to get hurt again. I didn't listen of course, the only people that seemed to be hurting me were them. And besides, I was happy, in fact, I was so happy that for the first time in ages I decided to spend the weekend at Yale instead of travelling back to Stars Hollow. As we lounged around in the Saturday afternoon sun, all I could think was how happy and lucky I was to be sitting here with this gorgeous blond boy. Logan however, had his mind on other things, and kept yelling obscenities at the guys playing soccer across the grass from us. "Fuck off!" he shouted as the referee issued Finn a well deserved red card. Finn was no sportsman, that was for sure, and his co-ordination certainly left something to be desired - but he wasn't going to let a minor setback like that get in the way of his soccer ambitions, and resorted to kicking, shoving and wrestling his way to success. We watched him arguing furiously with the referee for several minutes before I grew bored, and leaned in to kiss my boyfriend. "Whoa there Ace, let me just see what happens,"

"Yeah, get a room girl!" shouted Colin from behind us, and everyone laughed. Where did he pop up from? I'd forgotten how unbelievably irritating and arrogant Logan's friends could be. Right now, I thought to myself, I could be at Lucy's dress rehearsal or watching DVDs at Marty's place, but instead, I was here at the Yale soccer team's weekly practise.

"How much longer Logan," I moaned, "I can't take much more of this. Let's go and do something fun… please!"

"But Ace-"

"What the hell was that about," complained Finn joining us on the sidelines, "the nerve of that guy, that was my first foul, if you could even call it a foul,"

"Well unless you count the time where you kicked Sam in the teeth or bashed that other guy in the-"

"Okay, okay Ace. If you don't want to be here, just go alright! I'll catch up with you later."

I wanted to cry. They were all glaring at me, I was the annoying girlfriend and they wanted me out of the picture. The hostility in Logan's voice reminded me of a side of him I'd desperately tried to forget. Well, in that case, I wasn't going to hang around if I was unwanted. Grabbing my bag angrily, I stormed off, half hoping that Logan would have the decency to come after me, but knowing he wouldn't. How could this happen? How could things go so wrong so fast? I cringed at the thought that perhaps my friends had been right all along.

I was determined not to just mope around all day, I had to go out and do something fun, something enjoyable. I remembered that Olivia had an important art show this afternoon, and then there was bound to be a pretty good party afterwards. A plan formed in my mind, I would go back to my dorm, get some lunch, maybe catch up on some reading, then go catch up with my friends at the exhibition. The perfect afternoon.

It's funny how drastically plans can change. As I reached my dorm, I got the shock of my life seeing a familiar, but fearful face outside. "What are you doing here? How did you find me? I don't understand,"

"Calm down," he soothed. "I was just… it's just… I thought you were coming home this weekend, and when I found out you weren't I thought I'd-"

"Come and see me?"

"Yeah,"

"Jess, that's utter madness!"

"I know but I…" we both had a bad habit of not finishing sentences. "I can't believe you're back with him, that idiot. What are you doing?"

"How did you-?"

"Lane,"

"Oh.." I paused, "Jess, you don't even know him, so I'd really appreciate it if you'd give me a break and not put your two cents in, alright?"

He looked at me intently, as if trying to take me in, trying to figure me out. It was as if he didn't even know me anymore, that look said it all. I was sick of people telling me I'd changed.

"Last weekend, that kiss, did it not mean anything to you?"

Okay, he'd said it, the thing I'd been dreading. Of course I knew it had happened, but not talking about it allowed it to exist in some other dream world, now he said it out loud it seemed real. I couldn't stand out here and talk about it anymore. I fumbled in my bag for my keys, and then tried to let myself in, "Rory, please, can we talk. Actually properly talk for once?" I didn't say anything, just opened the door and went inside, trying to close it on him, but he was too quick, forcing his way in and shutting the door sharply behind him. "Jess, get out of here now. I swear to God I'll scream!"

"Shh," he whispered gently, putting his finger to my mouth. For some reason I felt calmed rather than scared by the fairly sinister act.

"Okay Jess, you can stay. But only until Paris gets back from Doyle's."

I pointed over to the sofas, letting him sit before taking the armchair furthest away for myself. He was looking good today, dressed in his trademark black leather jacket with a white t-shirt and what looked like ray-bans. His increasingly long hair flopped carelessly over his face.

"For the love of God Jess, please take those bloody sunglasses off inside, who do you think you are…"

"Alright Rory, whatever you say. Nice place you have here by the way". How could he do this, how could he be so unflinchingly casual? I would have liked to have thought he was feeling as uncomfortable as me, but I doubted it.

"So… I read your book,"

"Already?"

"Yeah, actually I couldn't put it down. It was truly… I don't even know how to describe it. That was what was so great about it, I'd never read anything like it before. It was like a stream of consciousness but beautifully written, lyrical almost. I always knew you had it in you,"

"Well I think you were alone there then,"

"I always believed in you Jess. You have the capacity to be so great, if you'd only put your mind to it once in a while,"

"So what? You're saying to realise my potential I should have graduated high school, gone to Yale, spent my life studying and learning like you,"

"No, not at all. That's not what I said and you know it. I just don't think you should be wasting your time in Stars Hollow serving coffee for a living. You should be in Philly writing and creating and feeding off likeminded people,"

"but there's one problem with going back there,"

"what's that?"

"You're not there."

I didn't know what to say. That was perhaps the loveliest thing he'd had ever said to be in the three years we'd known each other. Why did he have to say it now?

"Okay, so I have a proposition for you," he said, standing up impassioned. "I've just been on the phone to Jeremy in Philadelphia, my friends are setting up an arts magazine. Music, art, literature, theatre, film. Think about it… interviews, reviews, our own original poetry, short stories, you name it,"

"Sounds amazing,"

"He says you'd be welcome to be a part of it, there's a job waiting for you right now if you want it. Just imagine it Rory, it would be perfect, we'd be right in the middle of the Philadelphia arts scene. You told me you'd always dreamed about being part of the independent press."

"Jess, you know full well that's not what I want to do. I'm going to be a reporter, a foreign correspondent, and in order to do that I have to stay here, study, graduate, you know that! I thought you always supported my ambitions,"

"I do, you know I do, but I also know you could do this so well. I think you're made for it… let's just run away right now, forget about this place."

I'll admit, the blood was pumping pretty fast around my body and my legs were shaking with excitement as Jess laid out his crazy plan, but of course, I didn't think for a second of accepting the offer. I couldn't.

"It sounds wonderful, but I can't just give up on everything now I've worked this hard. And what about Logan? I'm in love with him, and you think I'm just going to run off with you? That's pretty arrogant if you ask me!"

"I'm arrogant? What about that Lord Huntzburger you're so desperately in love with, with his $1,000 shirts and $1,000,000 haircuts and half the girls at Yale following him around like lovesick puppies. And if you're so in love with him, explain what happened between us last weekend!" I ignored his last remark because, in all honesty, I couldn't answer it,

"you're just jealous, you don't even know him!" I screamed,

"I live with Lane, I hear stuff. And anyway, I know his type okay. You of all people know his type… that's why I just can't believe that you of anyone would fall for a guy like that-"

We both stopped dead as we heard Paris fumbling with the doorknob from outside. "Are you in there Rory?" she called.

"Quick, in the bedroom," I whispered to Jess, "I really don't want to have to explain this situation to Paris,"

"wont it look worse if she finds us in your room?"

"Just get in there okay!" and I shoved him in. It took me a few seconds to realise the rather alarming fact that Jess Mariano was now in my room. I dreaded to think what he was doing in there: reading my books, my emails, or even worse, my journal. Maybe we should have just stayed in the living room and faced the wrath of Paris.

"Oh Rory, you are in," she said, understandably surprised, "why on earth didn't you answer me?"

"Urm, urm," I couldn't think of a legitimate excuse.

"Well anyway, it doesn't matter, I just have to grab my scarf from our room and then I'm off to lunch with Doyle." _Oh shit!_

"But it's a hot day Paris, do you really need a scarf?"

"Yes, of course. I really don't want to catch a cold again. Now let me past!"

"You just wait there, I'll go and grab it," I said desperately,

"don't be stupid, let me get it," she tried to shove past me but I made it into the room and shut the door behind me just in time.

"Where is it Paris?" I called,

"above the wardrobe. Your acting very strangely Rory, is something going on,"

"course not!" I said as honestly as I could, reaching up for the scarf. I looked down at Jess who was sat on my bed, a book in his hands, sniggering away to himself.

"Here you go Paris!" I said brightly, opening the door and handing her the scarf. "See you later," she just gave me a funny, suspicious look and went off without another word. Not so much as a thank you.

"That was ridiculous!" said Jess, the second we heard Paris shut the door behind her. "Why were you so worried she'd find me?" he had a point. After all this was Paris, who'd had a brief affair with our late professor a few months ago. She really shouldn't be shocked by anything.

"Sorry, it's just that rumours spread fast around here y'know. Especially between friends,"

"well don't worry about it, at least I got to see Rory Gilmore's room. Well, Rory and Paris' room".

Now I thought about it, we'd never been in my room together, alone, even when we were dating. Our relationship had always been pretty innocent despite Jess' 'bad boy' reputation.

"What you reading there?" I asked him.

"Oh nothing," he replied.

"Give that here!" I demanded, grabbing the book from him. To my surprise it was it was an anthology of poetry that I'd been studying in my romantic poetry class.

"I didn't think you were one for poetry, Jess"

"Well, people change. Actually, I've been writing some recently."

"Okay, then, let's hear what you've got!"

I hated myself for putting him in this position, but I just had to hear what he'd written. To my surprise he began reciting something: "_She walks in beauty, like the night, of cloudless climes and starry skies_"

"That's Byron you little cheat!"

"Okay, okay… for real this time: _'May you build a ladder to the stars, and climb on every rung, may you stay forever young_,'"

"That's Bob Dylan! Enough Jess, I can't bear any more blatant plagiarism right now," we laughed.

"But I'm not letting you off that easy! I expect to hear some of your _actual_ poetry one day, I'm sure it's incredible, if your book is anything to go by,"

"Well, that's not what the publishers keep telling me," he said, sounding disheartened.

"Don't give up Jess, you just have to keep trying. Some of the greatest writers had to face mountains of rejection before they got their success,"

"Well I look forward to that immensely," he said sombrely, "Rory, can we talk about this magazine thing again. Please."

It's amazing with Jess how quickly things can go from deadly serious to joking around back to deadly serious again. We were both sat on my bed by this point, and I had barely noticed the closeness of our proximity until Jess put his hand on my thigh, on top of my own hand. I shook him off, this was too close for comfort.

"Look, Jess. I'm sorry I got so angry before. It sounds perfect… for _you_. If I were you I'd take the next bus down to Philadelphia. Go rebuild your life!"

"Rory, please. You'd love it, you know you would. Come with me, be reckless for once in your life! I don't want to waste my time away in Stars Hollow any more than you want me to,"

"so what are you saying, you wont go without me?"

"Pretty much,"

"that's utter madness! Your delusional!" I'd raised my voice now, again. I'd vowed to myself I'd stay calm this time, but something about him always riled me up. It was the way he thought he could just turn up here and whisk me away - away from my boyfriend, away from the college education that I'd worked so hard for. He was insane. Still, at the same time, another feeling was creeping up on me that I wanted desperately to ignore. Here I was, sitting on my bed with Jess Mariano, and something about that thought sent a thrill through my entire body. It had never felt quite like that with Logan, even though I wanted him, I never felt like this - like I was going to explode with excitement if he so much as touched me. Control yourself Rory, I thought to myself, but it was no use.

"I think I'd better go," he said at last. I wondered if he was feeling the same.

"I think so too," I said coldly, and stayed frozen to the spot on my bed as I listened to him let himself out.

* * *

Several hours past. I didn't go to the art exhibition in the end, or the party. I just stayed in and took a long bath to cleanse myself. I felt disgusting. I was sure of my feelings for Jess now, and I just wanted to wash them away. I kept telling myself that I was just being stupid; I was in love with Logan, and anything I felt towards Jess was physical, it was just attraction, it would pass. I couldn't get the kiss out of my head though, it just wouldn't go away. Hearing my phone ring, I put on my dressing gown and sat on the edge of the bath.

"Rory, it's Lane," she said sharply,

"What's up?" I asked,

"Well, not that's it's of any concern to you," she said in a tone of voice that meant 'this shouldn't matter to you, but it will', "Jess left this evening, he's taken a coach down to Philadelphia, and I don't think he's coming back," she softened, "sorry Rory,"

"don't be sorry Lane. This is the best thing that could have happened, this is what I wanted. There's no life for him here, he should be back in Philly, where he belongs,"

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but I was actually starting to enjoy his company. He's an alright guy really, once you get past all the crap,"

"couldn't have put it better myself. I wish him well,"

"same. Well, I have to scoot off to get ready for a gig, we're playing this club in New York tonight,"

"Ooh exciting, have fun, you'll rock,"

"Thanks, have a fun weekend with Logan,"

"Love you, bye,"

"you too, bye,"

I hung up and cried. Of course I thought Jess should go back to Philly, of course I knew that was best for him, but a secret, selfish part of me really hoped he would stay. That was an awful, self-centred thought. I didn't want to get back together with him, but I wanted him to stay in Stars Hollow pining after me. What kind of person had I become? At least now he was gone I could get on with my relationship with Logan. I suppose every cloud has a silver lining.


	13. Chapter 12

I suppose so far I've painted a fairly negative portrait of Logan as a whole, which is not entirely fair. I'm the first to admit he can be lazy, arrogant and spoilt, but he can also be sweet and thoughtful, more than I probably give him credit for. He surprised me Sunday morning by turning up at my door with a bunch of flowers in his hands, "happy 6th month anniversary Ace," he beamed, flashing my that gorgeous smile of his. I desperately didn't want him to realise that I had absolutely no idea today was our 6th month anniversary, but my confused face said it all. To my relief he just laughed, "I thought it was supposed to be the guy who forgot all this kind of stuff!" he said, giving me the flowers and kissing me. "Sorry I didn't come and find you yesterday. The guys had a night out planned and I didn't really think you'd be interested. You weren't upset with me were you?"

"No," I lied. All was forgiven and forgotten now.

Logan took me outside and whisked me off in his Porshe, "we're going for a picnic," he explained. It sounded perfect. So off we drove through the lush, green countryside and along tiny, winding, rural roads until we found ourselves completely lost in the middle of nowhere. "You have absolutely no idea where we're going, do you?"

"Not a clue!" he admitted. "But when we get there, we'll know," whatever that meant. I lay back in Logan's car, letting the wind mess my hair up; thoughts of Jess were now far from my mind, in fact, it was almost as if last night had never happened. That was the great thing about Logan and I, whatever problems came our way didn't seem to last for long - we were too young and happy to let anything come between us. In a way, it seemed that everything had turned out for the best: Jess was in Philly, doing what he really wanted to do, and maybe now even working on a magazine too; Luke and Lane had their peace back and I could just get on with my life without having the fear of an ex turn up on my doorstep at any moment.

"Here!" shouted Logan, "let's stop here!" and he parked the car. It was a nice spot I had to admit. With the sprawling countryside stretching for miles either side of us and a river weaving its way across the horizon, I felt I could almost be back home in Stars Hollow. Logan grabbed the picnic basket and we made our way over to the riverside, the clear blue water sparkled like diamonds in the sunlight. "I was expecting to spend the day finishing essays and catching up on notes, but I have to admit, this is a much better option,"

"well today's a special occasion Ace!"

"Logan, I think you've gone mad. Whoever heard of celebrating a 6th month anniversary?"

"Are you seriously complaining? Listen, I just wanted to say I'm sorry about yesterday, I should have come after you-"

"yeah you should have done-" He'd already apologised once, that was enough.

"I know things haven't been good between us recently, and I know most of that's my fault. I just wanted to let you know that I'm serious about you, about us. I'm not going to mess this up again, Ace,"

"too right you wont!"

"I mean it, I love you."

What was bringing this on all of a sudden, I wondered. Logan was a funny one, he'd spend most of his time acting like I was the last thing on his mind and then out of nowhere he'd surprise me like this! I think that's drew me to him in the first place, the constant uncertainty, I never knew what he was thinking from one moment to the next. In fact, I don't think he himself knew, just drifted along and 'went with the flow'. He couldn't be more different to me, a girl who timetabled her day down to the exact minute, and made a list of pros and cons before arriving at even the most minor decision. In retrospect, I think we needed each other.

"Okay, so the real reason I brought you all the way out here is I have a surprise for you," he said, grinning.

"No surprises!" I protested, "just tell me now!"

"Alright then. But first I have to ask you, do you have any plans for spring break?"

"Um, well, Lucy and Olivia are kind of planning a girls gone wild week in Florida. Not really my thing but I thought I'd tag along, see what all the fuss is about,"

"well, before you make your mind up, open this." he demanded, passing me a small package wrapped in beautiful pink paper. I carefully unwrapped it so as not to tear the paper - it's this weird obsession I've always had.

"It's a… umbrella…" I tried not to sound disappointed, confused was more the word. Logan's idea of a gift was usually more along the lines of diamond earrings or a Chanel bag. Maybe this was him 'keeping it real'.

"I just thought it might come in handy for where we're going. Open it up then," he asked.

"Okay… so its an umbrella with… a picture of a guard and a red post box on it. Logan are you serious? London!"

"I'm serious if you're serious!"

"Okay. Explain. Now!"

"Well, you know my dad has contacts in London,"

"yeah,"

"he managed to get us _both_ work experience at The Times. That is if you're up for it?"

"You mean like an internship? Logan you can't be serious, that's a national paper!" I squealed in excitement, this was literally too good to be true.

"We fly out a week on Friday, I've already booked the flights and the hotel. Two weeks, all expenses paid - sound good Ace?,"

"Good? It sounds… fantastic! It's a dream! Logan, I love you so much," I gave him a massive, frantic hug, "And oh, thank your dad… man, I thought he hated me!"

"Don't be ridiculous, who could ever hate you? Let's crack open some Champaign,"

"you actually brought Champaign! Logan, you're a disgrace to the student population!"

"I'm just challenging stereotypes".

* * *

I literally couldn't think straight with excitement, I hadn't felt _this_ ecstatic about something since my college acceptance letters had arrived a year ago. Not only was I going to be getting work experience at the UK's number one newspaper and meeting some of the top journalists in the country, but I would be spending two weeks London with my wonderful, talented boyfriend. Nothing could be more utterly perfect.

The first thing I desperately wanted to do was call my mum and share the news, but I also harboured a desire to call Jess and let him know about it too. For some reason, I just really wanted to share this with him, and for him to be happy for me - he'd always supported my career aspirations (well until last night). This was wrong, I knew I shouldn't me thinking about Jess at a time like this, but I couldn't help it. I couldn't help wondering if he was back in Philly yet. And if he was, I wanted to know how he was getting on there, if he was working on the magazine, if he was writing another novel. I Thought about the place he was living, I hoped it wasn't some squalid little apartment like the place in New York; I wondered if he'd meet a girl out there, he was bound to, she would probably be beautiful, an artist or a musician or something like that. I hated her already.

"What you thinking about, Ace?" he caught me out. I felt myself going red with guilt, even though I knew he couldn't read my thoughts. I hate it when people ask that question, my thoughts are the only thing I really have to myself, the only thing I can keep entirely confidential.

"Oh, I was just thinking about London," I lied. We were back in the car now, driving around aimlessly again.

"Listen," I said, plugging my ipod in, "I've been making a playlist of London songs! You'd be amazed how many songs have the word 'London' in the title or somewhere in the chorus."

"Oh, so that's what you've been doing this whole time?"

"Yeah, 'fraid it is. Logan, I can't even tell you how happy I am right now," I said smiling contentedly, he smiled back.

"Ace," he said thoughtfully, "do you think your mom will be okay with us going away together?"

"Well its not really like we're 'going away together', is it? I mean, this is work experience, its for my career. Plus I'm at college now, I'm pretty sure I don't have to clear this stuff with her anymore,"

"right. Its just I know I'm in her bad books already and I could do without her holding this against me too,"

"don't be stupid, my mom likes you. Honest! She's just wary because of… because of what happened. She has to be like that, she's my mother!"

This was half true, while my mom didn't actively disapprove of Logan, she wasn't exactly singing his praises from the rooftops either. It was obvious Lane was still dubious of our relationship, but she kept a diplomatic silence on the matter, while Lucy and Olivia on the other hand were far more vocal. Thankfully, Paris was far too occupied with finals to bother involving herself in my relationship, but gave Logan a cold and threatening glare every time she caught sight of him. I desperately wanted my friends to accept him, but I could understand why they still retained a grudge.

"Logan, I want you to come to Stars Hollow this weekend, after college breaks up for spring break: make peace with Lane, reassure my mom that you're a good person, see the sights, meet the townsfolk,"

"townsfolk! You make me laugh,"

"we're not as backward as you think y'know. Taylor installed a state-of-the art speeding camera in the town last week,"

"wow you're all pretty cutting edge in Stars Hollow!"

"Don't mock, Logan. It would mean a lot to me if you came. I know my town sounds pretty stupid to you, but it's important to me, so I want you to experience it,"

"Rory, chill out. There is nothing I would love more,"

"honest?"

"honest."


End file.
